Stormy Skies on a Day That Should Be Sunny: Coping with the Complexity of Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day. It’s a day widely known for being marked with joy, celebration and honor for the women in our lives who have had a significant impact on us. It’s a time to appreciate those who have guided us as we have grown, helped lift us up in our deepest valleys, and championed us during our greatest victories. And while all of these things are important and worthy of acknowledging, it’s also important to acknowledge the hard emotions that this day brings for many. Grief, confusion, anger, hurt, sadness, betrayal. If these emotions sound familiar to you this Mother’s Day, you aren’t alone.
Maybe you’re experiencing deep, deep grief and sorrow as another Mother’s Day comes without you holding the baby in your arms you’ve longed for and dreamt of for years. For you, perhaps this day is full of searing reminders as you see other people living a life that you pray for, but isn’t quite yours yet. And while these reminders hurt on a daily basis, perhaps the weight and intensity of it all somehow feels more unbearable and too much to carry today.
Maybe today is a day full of loss and confusion as you grieve the mother that’s not with you on this day. Maybe it’s your first Mother’s Day after the loss of your mom, and the grief and reality of her absence hits you like a ton of bricks. Or maybe you’ve celebrated many Mother’s Days without your mom, but still, the heaviness and sadness of this day seeps into your bones- a familiar, yet still unwelcome feeling. For you, today is a stark reminder of the loss, made more visible and intense as you watch others celebrate with their moms who are still here.
Or perhaps today is a reminder of the mom you wish you had. Maybe the social media posts that fill your feed today feel like pouring salt in a wide open wound from a parent who, for whatever reason, cannot fulfill their God-given duty in your life. Today can bring up anger, betrayal, and grief as you try to make sense of what it looks like to honor and celebrate someone who has deeply hurt you, but you still love and care for.
Wherever you are today, I hope that you know, feeling conflicting and somewhat contradictory emotions on this day is okay. In fact, it’s not just okay, it’s normal. God created us with the ability to feel and experience a whole spectrum of emotions. This means not just the one-dimensional, “pleasant” emotions, but the intricate, tangled, hard and big emotions as well. The emotions people often don’t talk about. The ones we try to suppress and push down because facing them is uncomfortable and painful. Today is such a perfect example of why God created us to experience complex emotions. We need the ability to recognize and celebrate the good while also giving weight and space for the hard. This is how we process. This is how we heal.
If today is a hard day for you, I encourage you with these things:
Take time for yourself. Maybe that looks like getting in the car, driving to Target and getting yourself an iced latte (because, let’s be honest, you probably deserve it). Maybe it looks like taking an extra long bubble bath and letting your husband do the dishes, or put the kids to bed. Whatever it is, prioritize this time today.
Stay attuned with your body and emotions. These two things are very, very intertwined. If you start noticing you’re not feeling well, or your breathing starts to feel a bit off, take this as a sign to do an emotional check-in with yourself. Is something going on around you that’s prompting some emotions to rise up to the surface? If so, acknowledge these emotions and try to find a way to release them. This could look like talking with a trusted confidant, journaling, or getting in your car and blasting that one song that always seems to make you cry. And yes- crying CAN be a good thing!
Take a break from social media. If the seemingly endless posts of the highlights of everyone else’s Mother’s Day takes too much of a mental and emotional toll on you, IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Delete the apps for the day. Put a parental control setting on yourself that can only be turned off with a password that someone else knows, but you don’t. I cannot stress this enough- taking a break from social media on a day like this can be one of the most beneficial things one can do for their wellbeing.
Communicate with your support system how they can best help and encourage you today. Perhaps you just need a break from the festivities and traditions this day can bring. Let your family know that they can support you by allowing you to skip out on any planned events today. Or maybe you just need to hear from someone that they see you and love you. Whatever your needs are today, communicate them to those around you that want to help you during this trying time.
Pray. God sees us and looks at us with compassion and understanding. He himself has experienced deep grief, searing loss, and complete betrayal. There is no emotion we experience that He hasn’t experienced. The act of praying and surrendering to God can bring a sense of peace, give us the ability to place our burdens where they rightfully belong, and restore a feeling of connectedness with the one who created us.
Wherever you are today, I hope that you feel seen and known. Give yourself the grace and space to experience whatever emotions may be present, knowing that today is a complex day filled with complex emotions. On a day that seems like it should be filled with only sunny and blue skies, it’s okay if your skies are stormy and full of rain. You are not alone.
